"Thank god for long-necked bottles, the angel's remedy."
Tom Petty
"Old Milwaukee. Consistently one of the worst beers in America. The city of Milwaukee should sue to have the name changed to 'Old Fargo, North Dakota'. Don't even buy it on sale."
The Great Beer Trek, Stephen Morris (but surely it's not worst than Budweiser)
"A well-lubricated populace being necessary to the humor of a free state, the right of the people to brew and drink beer shall not be infringed."
Anonynous
"Light beer is an invention of the Prince of Darkness."
British television cop Inspector Morse
"Beer brewers shall sell no beer to the citizens, unless it be three weeks old; to the foreigner they may knowingly sell younger beer."
German Beer Law, 1466
"Beer once tasted like something. It was made out of malt and hops and yeast and pure filtered water. Nowadays it is often made of such gook as rice and corn grits … nothing but dirty water. It's so light and clear it's nothing … ignoble swill."
Charles McCabe, 1960
"There is an ancient Celtic axiom that says 'good people drink good beer'. Which is true, then as now. Just look around you in any public bar room and you will quickly see: Bad people drink bad beer. Think about it."
Hunter S. Thompson
"I prefer both my beer and my coffee to be dark and bitter; that way, they fit in so well with the rest of my life."
Anonymous
"Life is too short to worry about what others think of my brew."
Anonymous
"As he brews, so shall he drink."
Ben Jonson
"Blessings of your heart, you brew good ale."
Two Gentlemen of Verona, William Shakespeare
"Beer does not make itself properly by itself. It takes an element of mystery and of things that no one can understand. As a brewer you concern yourself with all the stuff you can understand, everywhere."
Anchor Brewing president Fritz Maytag
"An honest brew makes its own friends."
Anonymous
"All we are saying is give yeast a chance."
Anonymous
"Well they worked their will on John Barleycorn, but he lived to tell the tale. For they pour him out of an old brown jug, and they call him home brewed ale!"
The song John Barleycorn, traditional or by H. Gorson (1607-1641)
"One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time."
Lady Nancy Astor
"Alcohol is an excuse for people to act like assholes."
Frank Zappa
"Just as it is shameful to be drunk among the sober, so is it shameful to be sober among the drunk."
Anonymous
"Drunkenness is simply voluntary insanity."
Seneca
"To dispute with a drunkard is to debate with an empty house."
Publilius Syrus
"Extensive interviews show that not one alcoholic has ever actually seen a pink elephant."
Yale University, Center of Alcohol Studies
"Being drunk is like being in love. If you've never been in love, you don't know what you're missing. "
Anonymous
"When a man is forced by circumstance to drink water, you might have the common decency to turn away."
Private Smalley, Last Stand at Feather River
"A person can work up a mean, mean thirst after a hard day of nothin' much at all."
The Replacements
"Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking."
W.C. Fields
"Beer: both the essence and the symbol of a good life"
R. Netting
"The present custom of drinking alcohol to excess … will continue."
Marcus Clarke, The Future Australian Race, 1878
"Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure … not even close."
Homer Simpson, The Simpsons
" And another thing, your beer tastes like piss."
Tourist girl, Desperado
"We know. We piss in it."
Bartender
"Before, when I'd go to a pub, people would want to fight me just because I was a dancer. Now they want to buy me a beer and tell me they're proud I'm Australian"
Paul Mercurio, who found fame in the movie Strictly Ballroom
"When you own a micro-brewery, you always have fluidity."
Ken Rich
"Two hands and only one mouth. Now that's a drinking problem."
Anonymous
"(Brewing:) the fine art of transforming a bucket of boiling sludge into cold bottles of alcoholic sludge."
W.D. Brewmeister (?), 1882
"Nine out of 10 alcoholics recommend beer."
Blackboard at The George Hotel, St Kilda, Melbourne, Australia (thanks to Jonathan Bertram)
"If wine is Yoga for the soul, beer must be sex for the mouth."
Blackboard at The George Hotel, St Kilda, Melbourne, Australia (thanks to Jonathan Bertram)
"The church is near, but the road is icy. The bar is far away, but I will walk carefully."
Russian proverb
"Back and side go bare, go bare,
Both foot and hand go cold;
But, belly, God send thee good ale enough,
Whether it be new or old."
Bishop Still (John)
"For a quart of Ale is a dish for a King."
A Winter's Tale, William Shakespeare
"They who drink beer will think beer."
Washington Irving
"Drunkenness … is temporary suicide."
Bertrand Russell
"I often sit back and think, 'I wish I'd done that', and find out later that I already have."
Richard Harris
"Man, being reasonable, must get drunk;
The best of life is but intoxication."
Lord Byron
"Ale, man, ale's the stuff to drink
For fellows whom it hurts to think."
A.E. Housman
"It is not I who become addicted, it is my body."
Jean Cocteau
"All sin tends to be addictive, and the terminal point of addiction is what is called damnation."
W.H. Auden
"O Beer! O Hodgson, Guinness, Allsopp, Bass!
Names that should be on every infant's tongue."
C.V. Calverley
" 'Did you ever taste beer?'
'I had a sip of it once,' said the small servant.
'Here's a state of things!' cried Mr Swiveller …
'She never tasted it — it can't be tasted in a sip!' "
Ye Olde Curiosity Shop, Charles Dickens
"Oh moonshine, oh moonshine
Oh how I love thee
You killed me dear father
But dare you kill me
I'll eat when I'm hungry
I'll drink when I'm dry
And if moonshine don't kill me I'll live till I die."
Anonymous
"Doth it not show viley in me to desire small beer?"
Henry IV, William Shakespeare
"When people drink, then they are successful and win lawsuits are are happy and help their friends. Quickly, bring me a beaker of cider, so that I may wet my mind and say something clever."
Aristophanes, 424BC